Dictate Your Own Fate

Liz Gilchrist

When I read Jessica’s post about believing in yourself, it got me thinking more intensely about self-talk and the “so called” truths we tend to tell ourselves.

Did you ever notice there are days when you wake and a little voice in your head starts saying, “Today is not a good day?” And then those very days seem to be the ones that result in spilled coffee, issues at work, burning dinner and arguments with loved ones. Have you ever considered that it may not be the spilled coffee or burnt dinner? It may be the little voice in your head that has the power.

So, what does this mean? It means you can be both your problem AND your solution. NOTHING has the power to literally open up your skull and press an angry or bad button in your brain. It is you that holds the power. The power of positive self talk works like a muscle. If you haven’t been using it, it will take some time to strengthen it.

I like to think of it this way. When you have spent days, months, years or your entire life telling yourself you “shouldn’t” do something, you’re going to fail at a task, you’re not capable of success, or even that you can’t and don’t deserve it, those thoughts become beliefs. Now imagine you are standing at the edge of a wooded area and you have to create a new path. Telling yourself something different works the same way. It may be hard and you will have to practice, but eventually there will be a new, more positive path.

I wanted to share with participants a tool you can use, that has become part of my daily life. It WORKS if you WORK it and puts you in CONTROL. To briefly educate: Your thoughts cause your feelings, which cause your behavior. If you say to yourself, “I can’t,” you will in turn feel bad, which leads to not following through with your plan to be successful.

However, if you tell yourself something POSITIVE and more THRUTHFUL, it can make all the difference. The reality is that things are going to be difficult sometimes. Does that mean you can’t do them? No. It simply means it may hard. So, if you change the thought to something more truthful like, “This may be hard, but I will try.” You will in turn feel better about the situation and put more effort into being successful. And you deserve to feel good about the choices you are making.

The most useful advice I can give would be to think about what you are saying to yourself when you feel bad. Are the thoughts kind? Are they helpful? Are they true? Would I say them to my best friend? If the answer is no, you then have a choice to tell yourself something different and likely more truthful.

Tomorrow when you wake, my challenge for you is to ask yourself, “Will the day determine my thoughts and actions, or will I determine my day?” Remember, you are the SOLUTION and deserve to be best friends with the little voice in your head.

You Gotta Believe

Jessica Peacock

Have you seen the commercials for Weight Watchers with Jennifer Hudson? If you haven’t you must be living under a rock, because they are on constantly! While I get tired of seeing them so frequently, I do think the message Jennifer Hudson is singing is very appropriate and worth discussing here.

“If you want it you got it, you’ve gotta believe. Believe in yourself.”
Those are the words Jennifer Hudson sings in the commercials. You’ve got to believe. I agree with this 100% – if you don’t believe in yourself and believe that weight loss and better health are possible for you, then you will probably not be successful. Belief is a large part of success!

Self-efficacy is a term that means having confidence in your ability to do something, such as lose weight or exercise. Many of us who try to lose weight lack the self-efficacy or the belief that we can actually be successful and lose the weight we want to lose. Well, if you don’t believe that you can actually do something, guess what? You probably won’t! If you don’t truly think you can lose weight, then you will act in ways that prevent you from being successful. You probably won’t track your food consistently, won’t work out as hard as you could, and won’t put in as much effort as you’re capable of. And these actions will directly affect your success.

I know many of you have probably tried and failed many times to lose weight by now, and this can definitely impact your confidence and belief that you can be successful. But I challenge you to rise above these negative thoughts. Losing weight is hard, and most of us who are successful at it have to try many times before we figure out what works! But we can all lose weight and be successful as long as we set our minds to what we need to do and have belief in ourselves. Like Jennifer Hudson says, “I am you. You are me.” If she could do it, you can do it. Believe in yourself, and believe that you can be successful!

Tell yourself positive messages.
Set short-term goals.
Get support.

These things will all help you start to build the self-efficacy that you can lose weight. When you reach one small goal, you will be proving to yourself that you CAN do it. Building confidence and self-efficacy takes time, but it can’t happen unless you open yourself up to the possibility that if you want it, you got it. You gotta believe.

Dieting is Stressful. Be Kind Instead

Liz Gilchrist

Consider this: 85% of those dieting are obese.

Let’s admit it. Dieting doesn’t work. The majority of participants have dieted at least once, if not ten or twenty times with consistent results. It typically didn’t work and if it did, the results were temporary. Fundamentally, dieting is a negative concept. It encourages negative self-talk, defeating behavior and is a prime example of negative reinforcement. Dieting means that restriction equals reward and is worthy of positive feedback. Giving into temptation, or eating things worthy of enjoyment mean shame and guilt for having made such a decision. It is no wonder this frame of reference leads to psychological stress, which is supposed to be what we are reducing through exercise, right?

Before jumping into solutions, it is extremely important to understand how a “dieting mentality” can sabotage our success. As previously explained, the concept of dieting is negative in and of itself. Dieters who stray from their plan of action tend to feel they’ve blown it and fall into the “what the heck” trap, telling themselves that any previous effort is meaningless and they do not possess the willpower necessary to lose weight. Reality is; willpower will fail sometimes. Human beings are not perfect, even with the best and most consistent conditioning.

Other ways a “dieting mentality” can sabotage weight loss efforts are that dieters tend to be poor self-regulators when it comes to hunger. They’ve been conditioned to deny hunger pangs, obsess over food choices and not trust themselves to make the “correct” decision. No wonder this backlash causes anxiety. When dieters fall into this trap, they not only minimize potential results, but also reduce confidence they possess the skills to make lasting changes.

The good news is we can erase the concept of a “dieting mentality” and all it implies. That is, if we trust ourselves enough to do so. Can you give yourself permission to let go of dieting and practice new ideas to rid yourself of the burdensome heartache of negative self-talk, and downward spiral of psychological stress? And what would it look like to be kind to yourself instead?

First, being kind would mean being realistic about your personal expectations. We do not get to where we are without time, so it will take time to meet our goals. We live in a society of immediate gratification, which is generally misleading, not to mention fleeting. This is not the healthy or realistic plan for weight loss. A realistic plan incorporates small steps for long-term lifestyle modifications. Rather than changing everything you eat, make reasonable changes you can envision yourself sticking with FOREVER!

Second, kindness requires planning and is the key to success, and catalyst for positive self-talk. If you schedule workouts and make them non-negotiable, you will set yourself up for success. You have the power to communicate goals to your family and friends, particularly in regards to the importance of your personal weight management goals. Literally, you are the only person responsible for changing your schedule. In addition, you can commit to planning your meals. You may be strapped for time, but think about the rewards of doing so. You will have healthy choices on hand to avoid regrets later.

Third, own it and move on. We make mistakes and poor choices at times. The worst thing you can do is punish yourself and continue to shame your weaknesses, when in reality, people are imperfect. Make the choice to embrace the decision, commit to making a different one next time and keep life moving.

Finally, letting go of the “dieting mentality” and being kind means offering yourself the same respect and dignity you give others in your life. You would never expect loved ones to punish or degrade their self-worth. Nor would you want them to continually shame and guilt themselves for poor choices.

Based on the information provided, does kindness mean “dieting?” Absolutely not! The more realistic you can be about your personal expectations, the easier you can let go of “dieting” and the negative connotations that come with it. It also opens you up to the opportunity for positive self-talk, nurturing self-love and present moment freedom, increasing the likelihood you can reach your personal goals in weight management and life.

Controlling Your “Inner” Environment

Creating an environment that sets you up for success is an important part of the weight loss and weight maintenance process. Purchasing healthy options and keeping junk foods out of the house are two ways that you might control the environment around you in order to stay on track with your weight loss goals. However, as important as controlling the external environment is, sometimes we neglect to monitor something just as important: our inner environment.

What is our inner environment? It is the non-stop self-talk that goes on inside our heads throughout the day. The inner environment is largely determined by your thoughts and what you tell yourself, which shapes your feelings, attitude and behavior.
Here are just a few of the common negative thinking patterns that create a negative inner environment and interfere with weight loss success:

1. Polarized Thinking: Also known as “Black/White” and “All or None” thinking. Either you did perfect with your eating for the day or you failed; you give 100% or you don’t give anything. Polarized thinking is detrimental because it ignores the many potential successes that can be achieved in-between perfection and failure. As well, polarized thinking often sets you up for failure – no one can be perfect or give 100% all the time, which can lead to discouragement, frustration, and drop out.

2. “Should” Thinking: The word “should” implies judgment and criticism – about yourself, others, or the world in general. “I should have lost more weight by now” or “I should have worked harder” are not useful thoughts, as they ignore reality and prompt negative feelings. Maybe you would have liked to lose more weight by now, but you didn’t. How is it helpful to tell yourself you should have lost more, rather than allow yourself to celebrate the successes you have achieved? We can’t change anything about the past, but we can resolve to do things differently right now (see my previous blog post “Living for Today.”).

3. Overgeneralization and Labeling: When one single event or occurrence falsely defines every future event or occurrence. For example, if you mess up one time, it means you always mess up. This generalization then often leads to a label – “I always mess up, I am such a loser.” This thinking style can also create what is called a “self-fulfilling prophecy:” I believe that I cannot be successful at weight loss, so I put less effort in; I don’t lose weight, which then reinforces my belief that I can’t do it. A vicious cycle!
Too often we neglect the fact that WE ARE IN CONTROL of our thinking and reactions to events and other people – are you aware of your inner environment and its relationship to your weight loss progress? If any of these negative thinking patterns sounds familiar, talk to your Health Behavior Counselor about strategies to help change your thoughts and maintain a positive and healthy inner environment. Like weight loss itself, it’s hard to change our thoughts, but it’s worth it – and we’ll help you get there!